How to Pack for a Conference Weekend

Because I'm leaving for NY tomorrow to attend the SCBWI Winter Conference and I need to pack and I'd rather think about clothes than the last two chapters of my revision which honestly at this point, are kind of giving me hives...I decided to do this post! Yays!

Also Shannon seems to think I give good fashion advice. :-)

So there you go.

Frankie's Rules for Dressing Conference Savvy!

Rule #1: Nobody actually knows what bussiness casual means. I'm serious. Like you think you might know...but, you can be wrong (said in the voice of Gretchen Weiner from Mean Girls). Really, go ahead and ask around and you'll get a bunch of different answers. There is no law. So forget bussiness casual! We're going to invent our look!

Rule #2: Look professional. This doesn't mean you need to be in a suit and tie, or wear an icky blazer (unless you like blazers, than baby you go and rock the blazer with your bad self). But what this means is that your overall look should be neat. Pants and skirt ironed, no holes in your jeans, nothing unzipped or unbuttoned. Nothing sharp that might stab people.

Unless you are writing the next big thing in horror, emo, gothic whatever, and you're a literary genius and already have an agent, than this is not a good profressional look for you. Also...ow!

Rule #3: Create Your Brand. We've all learned that the way we present ourselves online, the words we write, the styles of our blogs, the things we say on twitter, etc all go into the brand that we create for ourselves. It's so readers know what to expect when they come visit. Most of us, especially those of us who have been savvy bloggers for quite some time, have this down pat. You're either funny and self deprecating, or serious and informative, speculative and whimsical, no-nonsense tell it like it is...you're you.

Now you have to be you in public! (EEEK!)

That means, creating a look to last you through the weekend, that also compliments your brand. Now this doesn't mean you need a new wardrobe, or to start dressing crazy. It means you need to pick a look and stick with it all weekend. So don't dress vintage on day one and then don a suit the next (unless you're going for the unexpected brand---then good luck!) Basically you want to stay consistent.

Rule #4: Stand out. This is the trickiest rule, because not everyone likes to stand out. But it's a must. You want to get noticed and you want people to remember you. Some people stand out with their personality, or their fabulous hair (cough Erica cough). And some do it with their clothes. But try and pick at least one signature thing that's going to help you stand out and wear it all weekend. It could be bright colors, or pearl necklaces, or tweed jackets, or funky scarfs. But try and have some sort of conversation piece on you.

Rule #5: Be comfortable. If you create the perfect brand and you're wearing the most perfect outfit in the world that helps you stand out and is totally you, but your feet hurt, or your clothes are uncomfortably tight or loose or constricting...then everything you just did goes down the drain. Because A) Being uncomfortable sucks. And B) people tend to know when you're uncomfortable and it makes them feel uncomfortable. And when you make other people uncomfortable, they don't want to be around you. Style over comfort=fail.

Rule #6: Wear Layers. No matter if your conference is in winter or summer, in New York or California, you never ever know what the temperature inside a conference room will be (and you often go from room to room). Some are super hot because of all the body heat. Some are freezing in an attempt to control the body heat. Conferences are fun! Don't suffer through one because of poor clothing choices.

Rule #7: Let People Know Who You Are. Say hi, be friendly, introduce yourself! And...if you want to go the extra mile. Have these handy.

Or...one of these:-) (All FNC members will be carrying these tote bags all weekend in different colors, btw).

Remember, you're a professional, but you're also an Arteest! (a fancy artist)

So what will I be wearing?

Boots, with a skirt, and a shirt, and maybe another shirt and a cardigan (layers for temp changes) + scarf, + funky jewelry matched with my FNC tote bag full of bussiness cards. :-) And my smile!

Hope that helps! If you're going to be in NY this weekend, make sure you find me and say hi!

In the mean time, what do you like to wear to conferences?

Psych Lessons for Writers 2: Association

Today's topic is Association, one of perhaps the most fascinating subjects in psychology.

Cue the ooohing and aaaahing.

(Oooooh!)

(Aaaaah!)

Ok so in it's most basic form...association is concerned with what memories and meanings we associate with everyday objects, events, words etc.

Let's take a jar of peanut butter...

You might think that if you put that jar of peanut butter in a room with 50 people, they'll all have the same reaction. "Ooooh! Peanut Butter!" But...that's not true!

I guarantee, at least one person will be hyperventilating because they're allergic to peanuts, someone else will be gagging because they hate the smell, and another person will be worrying about how many calories are in peanut butter while someone else is licking their lips, wondering if they really need a spoon before they dig in.

The reason is though an object may appear neutral, everyone is bringing something different to the table when they see it.

Why?

Because we have a tendency to carry our memories around with us and allow them to color the way we see the world. Especially if the memory is strong or significant.

The person hyperventilating above is probably associating the jar with a memory she had as a child when she found a jar of peanut butter and opened it and then was rushed to the hospital and nearly died. Pretty traumatizing stuff that can take a simple allergy to a thing of fear everytime she sees a jar.

What if there is another person in the room with a peanut allergy? Let's say he successfully stayed away from peanut butter his entire life. His reaction might just be, "Oh. Well, I'll stay in the back of the room." No big deal, no need to panic. Because he doesn't have any strong associations for the food. No memories. No emotion!

Emotion is the key when writing!

What makes characters in stories interesting, what makes them unforgettable and stay with us? By allowing the reader to feel close to them emotionally. And association is a great tool to help you achieve this.

So let's move on from peanut butter.

Let's talk about bath tubs!

Close your eyes and think of a bath tub. What happens? Anything? Any major memories in one (and let's keep this PG rated thankyouverymuch). Are you thinking, oh...that's where I get clean. Or...crap, I forgot to give my kids a bath. Or...oh now THAT is the one place where I can totally relax! Le sigh...

Well...if your Sam Roth from SHIVER, guess what? You are ready to pass out and hyperventilate!

One of the most memorable moments in SHIVER comes when Grace forces Sam into a bathtub full of hot water because he got too cold and is in danger of shifting into a wolf. Sam does not want to be a wolf. At all. He'll do anything to stay human. But he fights and struggles against the bathtub likes there's no tomorrow because when he was a child, his parents sat him in a tub and slit his wrists, attempting to kill him (they thought his wolf condition meant he was possessed by the devil).

So of course, Sam can't even be in the same room as a bathtub now. He's that traumatized. The associations are THAT strong for him. (I mean, of course! Poor Sam)

And you know what? It works! It's one of the best examples of association, emotion, and memory at play. And no surprise, it's one of Maggie's favorite scenes from the novel and the one that often sticks out most in people's memories.

Let's try something a little happier....sort of...

Let's talk apples!

What do you think about apples? Do you like them? Do you like the smell? Do they stir any memories for you of making apple pie?

Well for Melinda Sordino in SPEAK, the overwhelming scent of apples in her bio lab brings her back to a moment when she was a child and her parents took her apple picking.  She's so lost in this memory that she takes a bite out of her apple, when she's supposed to be experimenting on it with her lab partner.

Why is this significant?

Melinda is a high school freshman completely ostracized from her friends, suffering from depression and major post traumatic stress after being raped by an upper classmen near the end of summer. What's important here is that for the majority of the book all we have of Melinda is this depressed version of herself, unable to speak, unable to find joy in anything. But the emotional memory behind the apple scent is so strong, it's able to momentarily pull her away from herself to a happier and more innocent time.

For the most part, the only memories we get from Melinda concern that horrible night. When she's brought back to reality, the contrast is startling and somewhat bittersweet. She once was close to her parents, now she can't tell them anything. She once was happy, now she's depressed. She once was innocent, but that's been stolen from her. But it's also hopeful. This happier person is still buried somewhere inside of her. It's not dead.

Now associations doesn't always have to do with memories. They can still exist and still have significant emotional meaning for your charcter. I'll give you an example from my own WIP, STOLEN.

Lilliana Brandywine's mother died when she was a baby. She has no memory of her, no pictures with her, nothing. Something that's a bit of a sore spot for her, especially because she has 6 older sisters who had more time with her mother, and some who actually have memories of her.

But Lilliana has one thing that her sisters don't. Lilliana's hair turns red in the sun (something that's also significant later in the story). Lilliana's mother had vibrant red hair. So for Lilliana, her association with her reddish hair becomes an emotional tie to her mother. Its the one thing that makes her feel close to her and feel like she did belong to her mother, if only for a short while. It's also something that none of her sisters have, she's the only one with any red in her hair. So...it also becomes her small way of "evening the score" as she'd say. Her sisters have memories and time. She has her hair.

OK! Hope you enjoyed your psych lesson for the day!

Here's your homework.

Start digging around in your MC's history. Yes, we must start out stories with the inciting action, the beginning of the plot...but your character was alive before their story began. They've had a myriad of experiences, memories, hopes, dreams and sorrows. Somewhere in there you should be able to pin point something significant, a memory, an association that becomes meaningful to them and find a way to bring it into your story so that you can:
A) Add depth to your character
B) Help the reader feel close to your character

Bonus points if your character's association-piece serves their motivation, which deepens character development.

Think Sam and the bathtub...beyond the traumatizing memory, he does not want to be a wolf, he does not want to be a monster--this motivates him throughout the story.

Think Melinda and the apple...she wants to move past her trauma, she wants to be a happy person again but she doesn't know how, she's stuck.

Think Lilliana and her hair...she wants to feel love, she's looking for ways to connect to people though she has a habit of isolating herself emotionally from others (who else would think of "evening the score").

Never Lose a Dare: The Clueless Scene

It's here, the moment you've all been waiting for...

Quick recap: My critique partner Donna from the First Novels Club challenged me to finish my revision of my WIP by midnight January 1st. I--having no real concept of time overly hopeful totally not thinking  naively accepted. And obviously, I'm still working on my revision (2 chapters to go!!!).

Part of the dare involved me agreeing to act out an entire scene from Clueless by myself--like play every role.

So I put the scene to vote. And you all picked The Christian Seduction, the scene when Cher tries to seduce Christian with her feet and then...rolls off the bed.

So there you go. I spent Saturday night dressing up like a boy, playing footsies with myself and falling off the bed...A Lot!

OhMyGodICantBelieveImDoingThis!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!




Special thanks to Sergio Herrera, my director, camera man, editor and all around awesomesauce...Eva for doing my make up and sometimes holding up a lamp for lighting and Kurt, for taking the production stills and being my Spartacus stand in!

Also....


OMG!

Sunday Update!

I don't know why but this weekend feels like it's been a week long already--because it was jam packed full of awesome. Obviously.

Yesterday Donna and I made the trek to Lehigh, Pennsylvania to see the query shark herself, Janet Reid. We also got to mee the lovely Suzie Townsend (who reps the totally awesome and amazing Sarah Wylie!) and Joanna Volpe of too many writers of awesome to count, as well as Janet's intern Anna who is going to intern for Little Brown, but was really fun to meet too and helpful.


Donna and I are planning to post something more formal over at the FNC but I shall give a quick debriefing here. We started at a talk led by Janet on the art of the query letter which was pretty helpful and informative. She's pretty funny in person. And things were going well...but then...I discovered that when it was time for Janet to hand back the queries for everyone participating in her workshop (like me!), I discovered she never recieved my query. At all.

That kind of defeated the whole purpose of the workshop--because she critiqued the queries.

Anyway, it turns out that there was this imaginary deadline that you needed a secret code to have in order to access the date and know when it would be too late to send in your query. Of course!

And I was accused of sending in my query late though I was never given the secret code for this deadline that no one wanted to tell anyone about.

But it turns out....I sent my query in before the invisible deadline, though apparently my issues with gmail were just not having it and so...my query never made it. Thanks a lot gmail!

There was a minor panic attack for 30 seconds....

Followed by the awesome Suzie Townsend who calmly told me I could email her my query on the spot and she'd critique it.

AWESOME! Because Suzie reps YA...so actually...you know, sometimes things don't work out for a reason. Because they can work out better.

However...

Janet is still really scary and went around the room asking a bunch of questions and by the end of the day....I was just like huh...what...is my name Frankie?

So...I have decided to register for CJ Redwine's Query Workshop because I want to kick my query's butt and drag it through the mud a couple of times so it knows whose boss!


And...I filmed my Webcam for Writers commercial last night (watch out Shannon! Your dare is coming)...AND I filmed the scene from Clueless (OMG too many dares!).

I haven't seen any of the Webcam footage yet, but its probably going to be hilarious.

I hope.

Clueless on the other hand....

I don't know if I could make a bigger fool of myself. I dressed up as Christian...I dressed up as Cher...oh and I even dressed up as Spar-a-tacus Spartacus and his master.

So....only because I like all of you, I'm posting the Clueless scene, because it's ridiculous.

Tomorrow.

Webcam for Writers will premiere later this week.

So yeah that's my update. I've got some WIPs to read, my last 2 chapters to revise and...a psych class to prep for. Wheeee!

See ya tomorrow!!!!

Webcam for Writers: The Trailer!

First up a quick update on my gmail woes. Thanks everyone for writing in with their tips and for those of you who shared my woes. Perhaps I was a little hasty in declaring gmail to be so good for nothing and maybe if I'd been listening better I'd have realized that he wasn't trying to blame all of the internet, just internet explorer, because it seems that when I use gmail from Safari...I have no issues at all. So I don't know why gmail and internet explorer aren't on speaking terms. But whatever. As long as I can acess gmail in some way, we're still in love.

Second! A writing update! I finished editing chapter 20 today! WOOOO!!!! I'm soooo excited. I have 2 chapters left to go and I'm done! --Well then I need to make one more revision based on gamma notes but that's not going to take long at all. Mostly bc I've already covered everything that's been mentioned to me. So I feel like I can finally see  the entrance to the Query Wars!!!

Plus, I'm going to see Janet Reid on Saturday so she can boot camp my query letter! So by next week I'll be all ready to go! WOOT

And you know what else is coming next week!

The conclusion to Shannon's last dare in our blog wars! On Saturday I'll be shooting the Webcam for Writer's Commercial and then I can finally dare Shannon back and get my revenge...I mean...continue the blog war!

So to hold you over until then....Shannon and I created a trailer for you! Yay! Really Shannon did most of the work---obviously. You'll be able to tell because the video is totally right side up and not sideways at all!

So enjoy! Next week I promise will be epic! More blog wars. More vlogs! More pysch lessons! And maybe...maybe...I will be entering Query Wars!

Thanks for making this, Shannon! You rock! Also, be very afraid!



Enjoy!

Dear Gmail

Dear Gmail,

Over 5 years ago when I just a little ivy league grad, leaving behind the world of webmail and my Cornell web id, I was in search of a new email server. And there you were. Recommended to me by all of my older, more mature friends. They said Gmail was great and gmail was fun. And I believed them. I believed in you.

So I signed up and it was love...true love!

For 5 years I trusted you, and sent emails through you. I enjoyed your g-chat component on many occasions, much to the chagrin of many of my bosses. And never once...not even for a second did you let me down.

Until last Thursday...


OMFG!!! WTF is your problem? Do you hear me, GMAIL?!!???!! I am not happy with you or your service. What is going on! You're totally slow, you won't load, you take a half hour to open emails and let me reply and I am a busy girl! You hear that? B. U. S. Y. I am a professor. Professors don't spend their days fighting with their email server, they have things to teach.

And I'm a writer too. Which means I'm completely neurotic and the fact that I can't get you to load in a matter of miliseconds means Im ready to punch through this screen and wring your little e-neck out! I am about to enter the QUERY WARS! You hear me, the Query Wars and I cannot have an email that doesn't let me respond to a possible agent's response!

When I click on things with my mouse that I know are totally clickable--that I have clicked on thousands of times--you pretend like you can't hear me. You ignore my clicks.

Then you pretend to be "Loading" when I suspect that you've gone off to gossip with Yahoo and really, what do you have to gossip about? You're an email server!!!

And don't even tell me you're "Still working" when you know, and I know that you're not. Because if you were.....you'd respond to my clicks when I clicked on you!

Every now and then you go all pale on me and tell me that your not responding, as if it's the internet's fault. Let me tell you something bucko!

I KNOW you're not responding. I get the message loud and clear. No need to go pale and show me the hour glass thingy. And don't even try to pretend that it's the internet's fault, because it's not the internet's fault, the internet is rather blameless in this matter and is going to be really pissed  at you when I tell it that you were talking about it behind its back.

And yes I know that's true!

How do I know?

Hello! I'm here blogging on my blogger and you know what! It's working just fine. When I click on things it responds in a clickable manner! And when I request a page, it takes me to it--unlike some people I know right now!! Like you GMAIL, you piece of crap!

Seriously Gmail, get your freaking act together or I will be forced to throw out 5 long years of love between us!

Oh yes I will! You better take me seriously. Remember what I did to the tire?

And leave the poor printer out of this! He is soooo less returnable! And way cuter than you're currently acting.

Psssh! Trust me, Yahoo would love to have me. So would hotmail. In fact they're already courting me, sending me flowers and vegan chocolates. YES they are!

So you start working right now, or I'll be forced to terminate things between us and it won't be pretty!

Love,

Frankie

PS. For real guys...what do I do? I have done all the little trouble shooting techniques I could find on the web and I don't know how to email gmail. I need HELP!!!!

Psych Lessons for Writers: Lesson 1, Dreams and the Unconscious

I taught my first psychology class yesterday (which btw if you're new here, despite my utterly absurd blog and total lack of seriousness I'm also an adjunct professor, of English and Psychology---trust me, it makes no sense).

And...well here's what I learned.

1) Standing for 3 hours straight makes you really tired!

2) Talking for 3 hours straight makes you really really tired!

3) Standing and talking for 3 hours straight inevitably leads to you prancing around your classroom, stomping your feet and pretending to be an ape, turning in a circle like a pigeon, jumping in people's faces and yelling BOO and showing video clips of weddings on youtube---yes, I actually did do all of those things and more...

4) Oh and I freaking LOVE psychology. If only my psych professors at Cornell could see me now...

Needless to say, my class yesterday was a success. My students quite possibly think I'm the most eccentric professor in Nursing School (yep, nursing school) but I taught the crap out them! And sooo, I thought, well you guys ask me from time to time to see my professor side and so why not?

I've decided to give you some psych lessons too (Frankie Style), but I'll be tailoring them specifically to writing issues. And now, you too can psychoanalyze your characters and hopefully, shed some light on their psyches, motives, hidden desires and nervous habits, which should in turn bring them even more to life for you.

So here we go!

Today's Topic is the Unconscious!!!
Ooooh! Aaaaah!

Popularized by medical doctor turned controversial-phallic-obsessed psychoanalyst, Sigmund Freud, the unconscious mind of your characters, especially your main character is a very valuable resource for you to tap.

Now here's the deal with Freud.

He believed that deep down inside, we're all driven by sex and aggression. BUT...because we need to function in society and act civilized most of the time, we supress these drives and hide them away in the deepest darkest parts of our mind. Anything taboo, forbidden, improper and more get stuffed away. Please note that what's considered forbidden by society is not always considered forbidden by the character so make sure you acknowledge the difference!

But...just like certain laws of nature, what goes up, must come down...what goes in, must come out....what's hidden away, must be revealed.

These little revelations of your characters' secrets will come out in a myriad of ways.
In dreams.
In habits.
In slips of the tongue (aka Freudian Slips).
In their mannerisms.
In their coping methods.
In their reactions to the world around them, despite what might actually be happening.

Let's look at dreams.

Many critics will say, and I agree  (to a certain extent) that having a dream sequence in your story can be a cheap way to share information or....to foreshadow! BUT dreams can be done well, especially with a little help from Freud.

Remember how I said dreams were a way for the unconscious desires to come out? Well that's true, but they often come out in code.

For example, if your main character secretly loves someone they are forbidden from loving...you have to ask yourself two questions.

1) Is their love forbidden by society? (They love someone in a different station, someone married, someone of the same sex, someone taboo --like a family member-- someone of a different race, someone of a different religion...)

2) Does the character also believe their love should be forbidden?

If the answer to question 1 is yes, but 2 is no, then your character will most likely have some straight forward kissy kissy dreams, posibbly interupted by society trying to break things up. In this case, the dream is not so much about unconscious desires as it is about wishfulfillment and real fears they have warring with each other while they sleep.

But if the answer to number 2 is yes....then we can get into some interesting dreams.

If your character is in love with someone that they can't admit to loving, they will dream of their love in code. Let's pretend for a minute that Jane Austen wrote dream sequences...I know, blasphemous! But let's pretend.

Elizabeth is in love with Mr. Darcy. We all know this, but for a while, she does not. She does not appreciate his wealth, and his attitude and the way he talks down to her. For awhile he's just all around FAIL in her eyes.

So she has a dream...in her dream, she is frolicking in the fields with a very poor farm boy in tattered clothes. But he's everything she wants. He's smart, well read, handsome, witty, romantic....humble.

She is so happy.

And he proposes.

But then he says, "I'm sorry, I can't marry you. You're too rich for me. And I see the way you look at all of us farm boys, it's so condescending. I must find a girl more like me, more worthy. Good bye."

And then she wakes up.

How does this relate to her secret, fordidden love for Mr. Darcy?

Professor Mallis' Analysis:

Well the roles were reversed. (In your dreams by the way you can be anybody). In her dream, Elizabeth was actually the poor farm boy, and she was Mr. Darcy.

If she's in touch with her feelings, she might wake up and go OMG! I love Darcy and I'm just turning him down for stupid reasons.

OR she might wake up and say OMG! This is exactly why I do not love Mr. Darcy! Because love between people of different stations and wealth never work. Thank goodness for that.

 Or she might wake up and say OMG! That was a wierd dream. And unfortunately there weren't any psychoanalysts at the time to interpret for her.

So that's one way to use a dream to show what your character is secretly feeling, share something about the character with your readers, or help the character realize something about themselves.

But dreams can also tell the future...or...foreshadow.

Be careful here. Too obvious foreshadowing looks amateurish and is annoying for readers. Especially if the dream comes out of left field.

JK Rowling does some excellent dreams in Harry Potter. She's able to hide the real message in codes, and convey both Harry's fears and desires and hint at what's to come.

When Harry first gets to Hogwarts and is sorted into Gryffindor, he has a very telling dream.

Perhaps Harry had eaten a bit too much, because he had a very strange dream. He was wearing Professor Quirrell's turban, which kept talking to him, telling him he must transfer to Slytherin at once, because it was his destiny. Harry told the turban he didn't want to be in Slytherin; it got heavier and heavier; he tried to pull it off but it tightened painfully--and there was Malfoy, laughing at him as he struggled with it--then Malfoy turned into the hook-nosed teacher, Snape, whose laugh was high and cold--there was a burst of green light and Harry woke, sweating and shaking.

Ok! So here we have Harry's fears that he's really meant for Slytherin. BUT we also have foreshadowing of the connection Harry has to Slytherin--we discover in book 2 that Voldemort transferred some of his powers to Harry. Get down with your bad self, JK! Foreshadowing and character development in one image!

We have Harry's fear of being made fun of by Malfoy.

But we also have foreshadowing of the connection between Snape and Voldemort!

We have Harry's everyday life being replayed in his dream....he just sat with the sorting hat on his head.

BUT in the dream it became the turban. The answers are all there for the end of the book. Turban, green light and Voldemort's evil laugh.

The bad guy is Quirrell, the owner of the turban whose working for Voldemort....but who saw that one coming? That's a dream done the right way!

What about mannerisms or slips of the tongue?

Often, especially in romances, the hero will do something out of character. Rush to save the love of his life...think of Edward stopping the van for Bella...so far he's been pretty pissy with her with a dash of friendly interest. Then suddenly he's saving her life and then running away and acting pissed about it. His true desire for Bella escaped in that moment and then he had to rein it back in.

These little slips are often the makings of No Kiss Scenes!

Ok, hope this gave you a taste for the unconscious and ways to bring some extra dimensions to your characters.

I'll take a cue here from Shannon and her USC Film Lessons and assign you some homework. Because....that's what professors do.

Write a dream sequence for your main character that:
A: Includes snippets of their day (like Harry and the sorting hat)
B: Reveals something they are already aware of (Harry's worry over Malfoy)
C: Reveals something about them that they are NOT aware of (Elizabeth's love for Darcy)
D: Foreshadows a future event

And make sure it's in code. A perfect dream will leave the reader feeling like they have a little more insight into the character, feel closer to the character (how much closer can you get then their unconscious) and will leave the reader clueless about the foreshadowed event (except when they reread your book and smack their heads and say "Oh well duh! She told us what would happen on page 10).

The Real Writers: Episode 6

Last time on The Real Writers, Mindy, roommate number 7 who only talks in rhyme showed up. Then the show got really boring and nothing actually happened, either a result of Johanna's conspiracy to make the show suck...or the fact that well...watching writers write is kind of boring. Then Luke and Corinne went into the confessional (yes together) and Corinne made a shocking discovery! One of the roommates secretly writes Twilight fan fiction.

This is the true story...of 7 writers....picked to live in a house...and write together and have their lives taped...to find out what happens when writers stop procrastinating...and start to write...The Real Writers!

Confessional (the next morning):

Corinne: I barely slept last night. I mean the idea that I'm living in a house with a Twihard...a fan fiction writing Twihard....it's disturbing, and unnatural and way scarier than any of the stuff I put in my novels. Let me tell you, that's some scary sh*t! I don't know if I'll ever be able to sleep again.

Luke: I uh...thought...uh...that...you didn't sleep...because...uh...well...because...we....

Corinne: LUKE! STFU! I'm trying to make a point. You don't always have to be so literal. Satan!

Luke: Did you just take the devil's name in vain?

Corinne: What you got a problem with that?

Luke: Um...oh...uh...well....no....I...welll...

Corinne: Come Luke! We've got a fan writer to catch!


Meanwhile in the kitchen...

Mindy: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day

Gina: Hey you know, that's what I always say.

Mindy: Oh wow! How neat! You finished my rhyme!

Gina: BFFs do that sort of thing all of the time!

Corinne: WTF is going on here!

Sam: BAM! Scuse me ladies, just here for my Special K if you know what I mean and then it's back to the computer lab. I'm writing 10 more flash fictions before noon. Just like that! BAM! Move on out, Sam BAM's on his way!

Mindy: That boy really moves much to fast.

Gina: And you know its the hare who comes in last.

Corinne: STOP finishing each other's rhymes! It's creepy. One rhymer was creepy, but two is creeping the creep out of me and I've already had enough creepy for one night.

Luke:....

Corinne: Not you!!!! The other creepy thing!

Luke: Oh...umm...oh....right.

Gina: OMG! Like what kind of creepy things? Creepy crawling spider things? Or creepy stalker but in a romantic way kind of things? Because in my book, Midnight, Bianca's vampire boyfriend watches her nap, but napping isn't really like sleeping. Because you nap in the daytime, so it's not really creepy. But if it was at nighttime...then it's a little creepy and stalkerish. But Bianca's boyfriend just can't help himself. He's questioning the meaning of life! Do your characters do that? Do horror novels pose such questions?

Corinne: (growls) I think I liked you better rhyming. (She waves the piece of paper around) Anyway I found this! It's a Twilight fan fiction...aka a piece of phony sh*t for a story that castrates the vampire and his mythology. And Gina...I think it belongs to you!

Gina: OMG, ROOM-IE!!!! You thought you got to read a piece of my WIP? I wouldn't leave it lying around. (Clutches her heart) It's my baby! My heart and soul! But my book is called Midnight...that's later than...

Corinne: Twilight! I know!! Did you write this?

Gina: No, you silly willy billy. I wrote Midnight.

Corinne: Are you sure? Because I swear if you are messing with me I will take this straight to the producers and they will have you off the show so fast you won't have time to tweet about it. Capiche! This show is for real writers. Not fan fiction people!

Johanna: HEAR HEAR! Real Writers WRITE! You hear that, Producers! Suck it! (returns to her computer)

Corinne: Gina, for the last time, did you write the fan fiction?

Gina: I already told you, Corinne. Maybe you need to lie down. Are your characters keeping you up all night talking? Mine do all the time, all they do is talk, talk, talk...Did you get any sleep last night?

Mindy: Early to bed, early to rise

Corinne: If you finish that rhyme I will gouge out your eyes.

Mindy:...

Gina:...

Luke:...

Johanna:...

Corinne: WTF are you all staring at? (Grabs Luke) Come on, we're not done questioning. I'm getting to the bottom of this! I won't live under these conditions!

To be continued...

WINNERS! WINNERS!! WINNERS!!!

Wooohooo I just tallied up the results of my massive arc giveaway and I'm here to announce the winners.

But first...I thought I'd torture share with you a small tidbit about the NJ SCBWI Mentoring Workshop I attended yesterday. I got to spend the day with Sara from the FNC and Kelly from Kelly's Compositions.

We had a blast. I recieved really super positive feedback from my critique group...plus UNBELIEVABLE feedback from the editor I met with for 20 mins who was also really sweet...and AMAZING feedback from my first page session:-) I'm still SQUEEING and totally feel the #windinmyhaaaaiiir!

 Sara and I will be posting more about the conference at the FNC later this week.  BUT...let's just say that at this point I have a very very good feeling about stepping into the Query Wars. And I'm feeling like as much of a winner as the winners listed below are about to feel! Yay!!!

Ok ready...drum roll....

ARC Prize Winner of Package 1: Wintergirls, Laurie Halse Anderson + The Anatomy of Wings, Karen Foxlee...

STACEY!!!

Yay throw confetti and do a belly roll!!!

ARC Prize Winner of Package 2: The Summoning, Kelley Armstrong + Prophecy of the Sisters, Michelle Zink...

YA VAMPIRE BOOKS!!!

Woot! Fist Pumps all around!!!

ARC Prize Winner of Package 3: Fire, Kristin Cashore + The Stolen One, Suzanne Crowley...

Ellz Readz

Elie deserves a special mention here too. There were a total of 82 entries in the contest and Elie had 12 of them because she totally kicked butt sending people my way...so those extra entries really can help you win!

Ladies, I'll be emailing you!!!

Also...Joey and Patrick are pissed at all of you for winning their arcs. Just saying...

:-)

Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who entered. This was my 200 follower contest and now I'm nearing the coast of 300. So stay tuned because once I hit that mark there will be more fantastic giveaways.

Thanks again to everyone who participated:-)

How Not To Vlog: Confessions of a Bad Vlogger

I thought it was time for me to do this post--rather timely after vlogging guru (or who I lovingly now refer to as the vlogging police) Daisy Whitney guest posted her rules and tips for vlogging over at Lisa and Laura's place. Well I just about died when she watched my vlog because I am the WORST vlogger on the planet--no really I am (if you've been hanging out here, you know this, if you're new, you're about to find out), and I totally broke all of her rules. And since she is the expert on How One Should Vlog, I decided I'd dish out the expert advice on How Not To Vlog since I am a professor and all, and use myself as the guinea pig example.

Ok ready!

1) Never vlog sideways! Like ever. There is just no reason for this, mostly because many people have their computers situated right side up. Also apparently our eyes are all biologically and genetically positioned on our faces to see things right side up--who knew? So unless you're vlogging to an audience specifically made up of people who do yoga exercises with their necks at a 90 degree angle, do your vlogs right side up. For real.

Exhibit A

2) Don't vlog in the dark. Just because you have no problem seeing everything around you does not mean the camera feels the same way. Apparently, there is this thing called film school where people go and take classes on things like lighting. Just lighting! Nothing else! Somewhere out there a movie is being made and one person (or maybe more) was hired purely for the purposes of lighting. If you don't have lighting, this is a bad thing. The purpose of a vlog is for people to see you. Otherwise you fail.

Exhibit B

3) Silence your cell phones when vlogging. It seems like common sense, right? You silence your cell phone when you go to the movies. So you should silence your phone when making a movie. You'd be surprised how many people don't do this (Frankie runs and hides). Ok fine, just me. See exhibit B.

4) Don't do silly things in your vlog. It will make you look funny and people will think you're wrong in the head. Examples of silly things to not do in your vlog are SQUEEING with your entire body and also saying things that should be left to twitter like #windinmyhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiir. Also see exhibit B.

5) Plan what you're going to say in your vlog in advance. It's important to go into your vlog with a plan and a script. otherwise you find yourself stumbling over words like ramblings of a wannabe scribe (exhibit B). Also you end up talking about sparkling water in the distance and suggesting that one of your favorite things in the world is cloud transformations. Cloud transformations? Really? Yeah really. If you have a plan, than you can avoid this.

Exhibit C

6) Edit your vlog, shoot it multiple times, add cool graphics, use movie making software,add in songs and words and cool scene switches. All of these things make your vlog look cool and professional and therefore make you look cool and professional. If you don't do any of those things than you are basically shouting out to the world that you never knew there was a guy hired for movies entirely for the purposes of lighting... (ok running to hide again).

7) Don't use your car as a tripod. I mean duh! There's a reason tripods were invented, and it has nothing to do with getting you from spot A to B. Just saying. See exhibit C.

8) Don't vlog in public. It's simple. If you vlog in public you're probably going to get caught. And if you don't get caught then you're worried you'll get caught. The entire situation puts you under a high level of duress and you'll find yourself suddenly clutching your car keys inappropriately, checking over your shoulder for deer, wolves and park rangers, and also...

...it quite possibly leads to the worst crime of all...

9) Don't sing in your vlog, unless you're like Susan Boyle (Ive been told my singing could kill cows and as a vegan I have to honor that and never do it). If you sing in your vlog and you sing while under duress because you are vlogging in public and about to be caught, then you will probably break into a horrible song about how you're going to be found in the park by people who will think you're a freak for talking to yourself alone with your camera sitting on your tripod car. Beyond completely humiliating yourself by singing, it will be the only thing people remember about your vlog, not your cool hair, not your love of cloud transformations, but the fact that you sang about being a freak. Exhibit C...

10) Last but not least, don't vlog directly under the sun, it will wash you out and no one can really see your face. This is almost as bad a crime as vlogging in the dark. But nonetheless this is a crime.

Finally, if you listen to my advice and never do any of the things I do, then I promise that you too can be an awesome vlogger, even if you never knew about the lighting guys. :-)

And to answer some of the questions I recieved from my last vlog...

Myra McEntire asked...Do you sleep? Really. I want to know. Like EVER??? What do you eat for breakfast? Where does all the energy COME FROM??? IS IT THE BELLY DANCING??? I want to KNOW.

Ummm no. I don't sleep...much. I try to, but it never works. I'm like broken. I go to sleep late and expect to sleep late, but my body just wakes up at the crack o'dawn, except on the mornings I really have to be up early.

For breakfast...maybe a sprouted bagel with tofutti cream cheese or cereal with rice milk, or a green smoothie.

The energy...I don't know...not from sleeping. Maybe from the tofutti, maybe it's just lack of sleep loopiness. Beats me.

The belly dancing? Ahhh, that might be the answer:-)

Sarah W asked...Are you a vampire? (because like Myra, she doesn't think I sleep).

Well, Sarah...I don't know. I think we have to ask what kind of vampire I could be, because I'm clearly ok in the sun. So this means that I'm not a traditional vampire (if I am). I can basically be a Twilight vampire of a Vampire Diaries vampire. Seeing as how my skin didn't sparkle, that takes Twilight out of the question. And so I guess I'm a Vampire Diaries vampire...except I wasn't wearing a special ring...so....I'm going to go ahead here and say no...I'm not a vampire (not even a vegan one--sorry).


Also I'm totally going to vlog again. What should my next vlog location be? I wonder how many times I can do this before getting caught vlogging in a public place??? Hmmmm....

:-)

Vlog 3 and Happy Awards:-)

So Shannon O'Donnell and Amalia T. were both sweet enough to give me the Happy Award which I really appreciate and love. The award is so cute, and happy, and pink! Love it! So the rules for this award are...I have to tell you 10 things that make me happy and rather than list them here, I decided to do a vlog for you.

Oh boy....

So it seems that I have overcome a few of my vlogging challenges.
1. Sideways vlogging be gone! I shot the vlog right side up!
2. Too dark vlogging with no light no more! I took an unconvential route to filming, which...well let's just say lighting in this vlog won't be an issue, at least, there isn't an issue of too little lighting...

So without further ado...Vlog 3




Eeek. I hope you enjoyed that. The next vlogs will be my Clueless Scene Reenactment and the fulfillment of Shannon's latest dare in the Blog Wars, Webcams for Writers!!!

Now I'd like to pass this award onto:

1. Heather Zundel
2.Southern Princess
3. Sarah with a Chance
4. Ramblings of a Wannabe Scribe
5. See Heather Write
6. Sara McClung
7. Constant Revision
8. Kelly Lyman
9. Victoria S.
10. Desperately searching for my Inner Mary Poppins

And awhile back I recieved the Circle of Friends Award from Mireyah Wolfe and never had a chance to pass it on. So....this...I don't remember if there are rules...so I'll say there aren't any and I'm wrong...ummm...we'll deal with that later...

Ok, so I shall pass the Circle of Friends Award onto...
1. Kelly Lyman
2. Desperately searching for my Inner Mary Poppins
3. Southern Princess
4. Ramblings of a Wannabe Scribe
5. Lisa and Laura Write

Also in the land of writing updates...I have 50 pages left to revise!! Whhhheeeeeeeee!!! So close! Will be back with more updates and Real Writers and my other shenanigans soon:-)

Thank you everyone for the awards, comments, support and amusing comments you leave me that always make me smile!

Mindy from The Real Writer's Poetry

So when Mindy (cast member of The Real Writers) learned that Shannon was hosting Lisa Schroeder on her blog all week (she LOVES Lisa Schroeder) and that she could win extra points toward signed copies of Lisa's book AND share her poetry with everyone, well she practically choked me with her cupcakes until I agreed to let her take over my blog for the day. So here she is below, with some original poetry. I'll be back later to take back my blog. Sorry for the interuption. We'll return to my regularly scheduled blogging shortly.

Mindy:

It's really very nice to be on tv,
so my fans can all tune in to me.

I thought I'd participate in Shannon's blog,
Though if I steal all her followers, don't call me a hog.

I just love to make all of my words fit to rhyme,
Rhyming's the best way for me to pass time.

Last year I was so bored while attending a fair,
That I composed poetry, and there was #windinmyhaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiir

Then I discovered my words wouldn't go far
Unless I put them to music on my friend's new guitar

But as fate would have it, I discovered this show
And now Im on reality tv, where my fame won't be slow.

Us picture book writers turned to MG writers
Have to overcome so much in the eyes of the biters*

*biters are haters, but haters doesn't rhyme with anything

Anyway I hope you enjoyed my poem
Now Im just waiting for Gina to come home

She promised she'd help me ice a giant cupcake
While Sam is upstairs writing take after take

Luke and Corinne have dissapeared down the hall
I really don't see the attraction at all.

Then there's Johanna all cozy on the couch with her cat
She's trying to look bored while it plays on her lap.

Well I think it's time now for me to say bye
Frankie's not looking too happy, her fist just might fly.

But the life of a poet is one full of bliss,
Especially when you're on a reality show like this.

:-)

Love,

Mindy

Squee-worthy

A few things today that I have deemed squee-worthy.


1) I was asked to teach developmental psychology over the summer--YAY!!!
     -This means I have a job this summer
     -This is also one of my fave topics in psychology
     -Survey says SQUEEWORTHY!

2) I finished knitting a scarf today--It's awesome!
     -This means I fulfilled one my of New Years' Resolutions-Knit something that is not a blob!
     -This also means my neck stays warm and cozy.
     -Survey says PURPLE SQUEE!

3) I got some awards today from awesome fellow bloggers!
     -This means I get to do an awards post.
     -This will be extra awesome because I've decided to vlog the post-right side up and with light!
     -Survey says TECHIE SQUEE!

4) There's an article about me in the Arcadia Bulletin--aka university where I recieved my masters and taught last semester--WOOT!
     -This article just made me SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
     -This was the actual reason for the Squee Post!
     -Survey says SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Ok, ya'll, I'll be back to accept my awards and pay them forward, and vlog, and we shall see which of the castmastes of The Real Writers is behind the Twilight fan fiction. :-)
    

The Real Writers: Episode 5

Last time on The Real Writers, we met roommate number 6, the radical tv writer Johanna who thinks reality shows are evil. Flash Fiction writer Sam BAM came onto romance writer Kayla, but she rejected him in favor of Literary Luke, until horror writer Corinne pulled him into the kitchen with her for a drink and then there was a crash. Also no one has come onto YA Paranormal Romance Writer Gina.

This is the true story...of 7 writers....picked to live in a house...and write together and have their lives taped...to find out what happens when writers stop procrastinating...and start to write...The Real Writers!


Startled, Corinne bumped into Luke, and he dropped his beer on the ground. Roommate number 7, holding a tray of cupcakes came in.

Mindy: Oh hello. My name's Mindy. Would you like a cupcake? They're chocolate and vanilla and very fun to bake.

Corinne: You just rhymed.

Mindy: Rhyming words together is the way I have some fun. Rhyming words together is more fun than chewing gum.

Corinne: You--you just did it again. Are you doing that on purpose?

Mindy: Rhyming is what makes my day, I like to rhyme while others play.

Corinne: Ok, stop! You're freaking me the hell out! Talk normal! What are you a picture book writer?

Mindy: Picture books? Write them? I used to. But the word count made me blue. So now I write middle grade novels in verse, go on twitter and make deals with the universe.

Luke: *looks at Corinne* Is...is...she..uh...is she...

Corinne: Human? No I don't think so.

Mindy: Cupcake?

Corinne: GINA! Get your ass in here.

Gina runs and tackles Mindy to the ground.

Gina: OMG!! Hi ROOM-MIE!!! Wow cupcakes! Did you bake these? Can I eat one? What's your favorite color? Do you like twitter?

Corinne grabs Luke's hand and they escape to the living room. Everyone is sitting around on their laptop typing.

The next 10 hours of filming have been cut because they are actually boring.

Then at 10PM, the roommates all decide to have a drink. Except for Mindy, who is allergic to alcohol (no really) and Gina, who refuses to partake in activities that her Midnight MC, Bianca is too young for.

Johanna: Drink your drinks, losers and then let's get back to work. The more boring this show is, the better! You know why? Because THAT'S what happens when you have a show that's not written. It's boring and the producers are forced to replay the same scene three times, once before the episode in a trailer, once before the commercial break, because it's a cliffhanger moment and once more after the commercial break, because without writers, the shows are SO freaking boring that they have to show the only interesting 5 five second three times. That's not how you fill a half hour time slot, people! You fill it with a script!! HEAR THAT HOLLYWOOD! *gestures rudely*

Gina: Ooooh look, I just set up our group blog! Do you guys like the pink background? Or the black? I think because there are two boys here and Corinne and I write such dark, scary intense things, we should use black. Right BFF forever and ever and ever. Oh and Mindy, is that ok with you?

Mindy: Right now I'm as quiet as mice, I replied on twitter that I think its quite nice.

Gina: SQUEEE!!! I just saw your tweet.  *types furiously for five minutes* OMG! I just finished this really intense chapter in Midnight where Bianca's boyfriend accidentally lost control of his vampire appetite and tried to eat Bianca's best friend Jessica and then he realizes what he's about to do at the last possible second and his eyes meet Bianca's and her eyes meet him and it's just soooo swoonworthy. Want to read it? Now?

Kayla: Oh honey, eyes meeting...*eyes Luke* I love scenes like that. Scenes where we feel the TENS-EE-On of all the unspoken feelings of passion and desire...

Corinne downs a shot of vodka.

Sam: BAM! I just finished 3 pieces in the last 30 minutes. BAM! Pass the vodka horror babe.

Corinne downs another shot. Everyone goes back to writing.

Confessional 1:

Luke: So umm...I...well, I made it through the first day...and it well...it was nice...and I....met the roommates. They...write...different kinds of things...like middle grade....and...horror and ...well....Johanna writes...for...for...tv. I got some work done too....I wrote 5 words...that was good. 

Corinne: LUKE! Are you coming out? I've got a confessional to make.

Luke: Oh...um...I'm not...

Corinne: Screw it! I'm coming in there with you.

Corinne sits on Luke's lap.

Luke: Oh...ummm hiiiii.

Corinne: Ok confessional, I have a confession for you! Someone here is a big FAT liar! A total fake writer wannabe who is totally fake and phony and full of it. I thought this show was for real writers and instead...you know what I find in the printer today?

Corinne waves a piece of paper at the camera.

Luke: What....what...what's that?

Corinne: Someone here is LYING! You know what I found?

....

...

...

Luke: What?

Corinne: Twilight fan fiction!

Luke: A what.?

Corinne: You heard me! And I wont' rest, I won't sleep until I know who's behind it and send their sorry excuse for a writer out of this house. And you know who I bet is behind it? Gina!

To be continued...

On Dancing and Revision

So just a quick check in....I'm finishing up edits on chapter 18, right now, at this very moment, as we speak, er as I write and you read...ok so not really, obviously, I'm here blogging, but you know what I mean. I'm going right back to it after this post and once I finish I can go to sleep (so it'd better be soon!). Which means that (hopefully within the hour) I'll be on chapter 19 and have only 4 chapters to go! 4 chapters. WHEW!!!

This revision...I can definitely feel it taking its toll on me. I mean, I've been going at it since August. So I'm going into my 6th month of revising, which wow! I mean, in a way I've been revising for like 2 years, since I wrote and rewrote my novel 100 times before I got to the draft where it worked this summer. But OMG, I just needed to vent for a second about how intense and how much of a process this is! I just want to get to the part where I start making crazy videos because I accomplished my goals.

Needless to say, while this is an amazing process and I've learned a lot about revising and about myself, it's amazing just how long it takes to do a revision---6 months (at least...for me--I know some people are much faster and some people take a lot longer).

However, when you're a dancer....you can revise a dance in about 3 minutes.

Really.

My old dance partner reminded me she actually posted one of our dance practices online. And its making me so nostalgic for the sort of thing that can be fixed and redone in a matter of minutes rather than months (though granted learning to dance and becoming technically skilled and precise takes years).

So Ok....all art forms take years and years to master, but...I'd like to spend a few minutes with myself in a way when I could revise everything at once, AND...act kind of goofy and laugh at myself in the process.

In honor of the fact that Shannon  recently posted an film of herself (without even being dared!) I (not to be outdone) present to you a revision in 3 minutes, aka, my original choreography to Evanescence' "Going Under." Also I have no idea what I'm laughing over at the beginning, I think I tripped. Also this was filmed in my dance partner's basement, so its not perfect and we're in our sweaty gross practice clothes.

Enjoy!

Ma'nia Tribe rehersal

Rad to the Bone♥H**(star star) | MySpace Video

The Real Writers: Episode 4

Last time on The Real Writers the roommates finally made it into the mansion. Luke deliberated over which room to pick, only to pick one and lose it in the same second that Sam Bam showed up. Corinne was still trying to ward off Gina's overexcitedness about being BFFs, and roommate five turned up, Kayla, the self published romance author.

This is the true story...of 7 writers....picked to live in a house...and write together and have their lives taped...to find out what happens when writers stop procrastinating...and start to write...The Real Writers!

Sam dashes downstairs to meet the rest of the roommates.

Sam: Bam! I'm Sam....his eyes meet Kayla's from across the room...his mouth drops open and his jaw tightens...BAM! Oh honey, honey, sweetie, darling! *He's instantly at her side* Let me take you for the ride of your life! We'll wine and dine and then BAM! Baby, I'm your man.

Kayla: *scrunches face up and disentangles herself from Sam's arm. Oh honey no. She throws back her head and cackles. That is not how to woo a woman. You need to slow down and be more romantic. Here it's all in my book. I'll give you a copy, it'll help.

Sam: I don't need some chick book with long haired men on the cover. Trust me, I'm Sam BAM for more than one reason. *He winks.

Kayla: You're what romance writers like to call...Le Ozer Guy...or in English, the other guy. When I give my heart, when I give my body, and my soul and share my mind and my dreams and my fantasies and hmmm, yes, when I share my fantasies, it will be with a guy just like the leading man in my story, one who connects with me on the spiritual waves.

Gina: OMG, that is SO romantic! I feel the same way about Bianca's vampire boyfriend in my book, Midnight--

Corinne: *looks at the camera man* Do YOU know where they keep the scotch in this place?

Camera Man: Don't look at me! I'm the camera man. *points to the dining room*

Corinne: Thanks, man!

Then Luke comes downstairs and Kayla looks up at him and nearly faints.

Kayla: Oh be still my heart. We haven't met yet.

Luke: I...um...oh...ah...I...well...hi...he-hello...I'm...

Gina: That's Literary Luke! Don't you love alliteration? We met first outside. It was so exciting. We're going to do man-icures. Get it? Man--icures. Manicures for men.

Kayla: *pushes past Gina and runs her finger down his nose.* Luke! Oh now, your the sort of man we romance writers like to call...Le Sexiest Man Zat I've Ev-ar Zeen, or in English, the hero.

Sam: What!

Kayla: Yes, Luke, darling come closer. I feel the energy between us!

Corinne: LUKE, NO!

Everyone stops and stares at Corinne, who shrinks back.

Luke: Co....Co...Corinne?

Corinne: Get in the kitchen and help me with these beers, Loser. NOW!

Luke: Oh...ok.... *stumbles into the kitchen

Everyone continues to stare at them

Corinne: STFU!

Gina: Oh Sam? *bats eyelashes* Do you like vampires?

The door opens and in comes roommate number 6.

Johanna: Will ya look at this place? Ridiculous.

Gina: OOOOOOH SQUEEE! Another Roooo-mie!

Johanna: I can't believe you freaks all signed up for this socially disfunctional experiment. Ridiculous. Reality show for writers. Writers don't need reality shows. Writers write shows. Writers hate reality shows because no one is writing them. Now everyone has a  freaking reality show. And what do we do? Do we write? No! We star in them. Freaking Hollywood...

Kayla: Um you may not have noticed, Sweetie, but you're on this show as well.

Johanna: Of course I'm on the show. What are you crazy? How else can I stick it to the man and tell him how I feel? I'm going to make this show suck! And then...I'll get to write my own show.

Gina: OMG! You are so intense. You're like a radical, just like Bianca's mom was in the sixties in my book Midnight! I totally googled it. We're going to have a group blog and our own sorority. Do you like pink?

And back in the kitchen, there's a crash!

In Which I Actually Blog

Hey Everyone,

Thanks for all of the comments I'm getting for The Real Writers, it was a totally random idea that is now too much fun for me (and apparently some of you).

Missed an episode? Check below.

The Real Writers Episode 1

The Real Writers Episode 2

The Real Writers Episode 3

Episode 4 will be here shortly, and here's a preview....we'll be meeting roommates 6+7 and one of the writers is not what or who they seem. A BIG secret is about to be revealed and when it does, this scandal will ROCK the Real Writer's Mansion! BAM!

Now onto updating a lot of other things!!!

I just got feedback from my first gamma Marybeth which was mucho positivo--YAY!!! AND, I only have 5 chapters left to revise!! WOOT! I do need to go back for some major word surgery on chapters 16+17 because those are the chapters right before the sh*t hits the fan, and you all know how tough that is...I'm coming right out of the end of the murky middle (less murky as of late). So I am SO superclose to my goal of finishing!!! I cannot wait and then it is time for QUERY WARS. 5 chapters...5 chapters....less than 100 pages...

So....you all know my CRAZY deal with the Universe for when I a get one two three book deal....which is insane I know, but its all about going big or going home. And since I'm about to begin the search for agent, I thought it might be time to make another deal.

A lot of you are requesting I make The Real Writers into an actual show (thinking you can dare me without being dared back AS IF) where I'd play each character and do the script...is this the sort of deal you'd like to see me make? Or...should I go with something else and make The Real Writers for another reason---a very good reason....I'm willing to take suggestions. But you cannot go running to Shannon for advice!!!

Because if you come back here suggesting I wear a pair of red wellies and white shorts I will KNOW who sent you and no I won't wear red wellies and white shorts!! There is a back story to this...but you don't want to know...

On the Blog Wars front, due to my epic inability to work a video camera and stuff I have aquired my own camera guy/movie producer/film editor etc etc etc, but he is out of town. SO, once he returns I will be making my Webcams for Writers commcercial, fulfilling my dare and then I get to dare Shannon back! Hehehe. I already have my dare planned for her too. Don't think your little grace period will last too long, Blondie!!!!

And last but not least.... I am announcing the Clueless Scene that won the challenge  based on your votes that I will also be making as a 1 woman show. Man for a writer, I have to end up in front of the camera a lot!!

So for a while it was a bit of a close race but the scene I'll be making is...

drum roll....

....

....

.....

..........


................

(You're all SUCH traitors btw)

The Christian Seduction!!!

Expect a little scene from Spar-a-ticus, cold feet, and....me rolling off the bed!

The Real Writers: Episode 3

OK! Sorry for the delay in getting this up! I finally finished revising chapter 17 even though it's kind of a mess, but it's at least at a point where I can go finish chapters 18-22. Just 5 to go!!!!! OMG!!! Anyway in the meantime, here's episode 3.

This is the true story...of 7 writers....picked to live in a house...and write together and have their lives taped...to find out what happens when writers stop procrastinating...and start to write...The Real Writers!

Last time on the The Real Writers...Literary Luke and Young Adult Paranormal Romance Writer Gina met horror writer and happiness-challenged Corinne.

Sensing the imminent cat fight between Corinne and Gina, Luke sneaks away and enters The Real Writers Mansion.

He's taking small steps, slowly inhaling the aroma of that new house smell, and visiting each and every room. He spends thirty minutes deliberating between picking a bedroom with three windows or a room with two. And then finally, realizing that a three window  bedroom may let too much light in before he's ready to wake up, he heads to the two window bedroom and then...WHOOSH!

Luke: Ow...ouch...I mean...ack...I...you bumped into me!

Sam: Quick as a flash! Quick as a cat.  BAM! This is my room!

Luke: Who are you?

Sam: Sam! Sam! Sam's my name. Writing's the came. I sit. I write. Sam Bam!

Luke: What? Your...your parents made your name rhyme?

Sam: No man. I'm Sam BAM! Because-Im-so-fast! That's why my creds are so long. I sit down to write and then like a flash, BAM! How many times have you been published?

Luke: Published? Oh well...I'm not really ready yet for that sort of thing. I'm still working...writing...creating...no I'm dreaming, I mean...perfecting...crafting, yes, I'm crafting my  first book.

Sam: Wow man, that's deep. Try to pick a word, claim it and don't look back. Alright? Quick as a cat. That's what I always say. How long has this book been in the works?

Luke: 15 years.

Sam: OMG, REALLY! My last piece took 15 minutes! Bam!

Luke:...

Sam:...

Luke: That's...n-not possible.

Sam: Welcome to the world of flash fiction bro. BAM! Now get out of my room.

The door slams.

With a bam.

Luke could go back to the three windows bedroom, but because he's Luke, he must start deliberating all over again.

Meanwhile, Gina and Corinne have made it into the house.

Gina: What color room should we pick, Roomie? Pink?

Corinne: I'm not rooming with you.

Gina: Ok, how about black! Perfect for us!

Corinne: Perfect is your head on a stick.

Gina: Oh! Hahaha! You want to put my head on a stick like a mask and then we can swap and walk around the house wearing each other's faces and I'll be like, "Hi I'm Corinne, I'm a happiness challenged horror writer" and you'll be like, "OMG Hi! I'm Gina, the author of Midnight and Corinne's BFF Forever! SQUEE!"

Corinne: I don't squee.

Gina: Squeeee! You just did. We're going to have so much fun. Do you want to be betas?

Corinne: Any alcohol here? *looks around*

Gina: How about Alphas?

Corinne: vodka, whisky, anything??????

Gina: Ok, gammas? Or deltas? OMG we could be like the Alpha Beta Deltas and have our own writing sorority. Let's start a blog! ABD!

Corinne: *Snaps around and grabs Gina by the neck*  I'm going to shove my WIP up your Omega if you don't leave me alone.

Gina: LOL! Oh that's good! Mind if I use it in Midnight for a scene with Bianca and Bianca's best friend, Jessica? It'd be soooo cool, and so emo!

Corinne:...

Gina: Oops sorry, I meant happiness challenged.

And then the door opens and  Roommate number 5 walks in.

Kayla: Oh hello! It so lovely to meet you all. What a pleasure. I just feel the warmth and love radiating off of your souls, soaring across the invisible waves of life into my heart! Ooooh! *squeezes eyes shut*  Yes! Yes! I feel goosebumps. Come here and give mama a hug!

Corinne: I swear to Satan if you write romance novels I'm going to choke myself.

Kayla: How ever did you know? *reaches into bag and pulls out two paperbacks* Here. The latest copy of my book. I got a wonderful deal from We-Publish-You. And don't worry. *winks* I already signed them for you and bookmarked the most erotic passages. But...it'll be our little secret.

Gina: Do you want to join our sorority???

To be continued...

The Real Writers: Episode 2

This is the true story...of 7 writers....picked to live in a house...and write together and have their lives taped...to find out what happens when writers stop procrastinating...and start to write...The Real Writers!

Last time on The Real Writers, we met Luke the Literary Writer and Gina the Young Adult Paranormal Romance Writer and a third roommate was about to show.
 
Gina: Hey Rooooooomie! WOOO! My name is Gina and this is Literary Luke! OMG! OMG! I'm so excited. What's your name? Can we be facebook friends? Tweet, tweet!
 
Corinne: Yo losers. Sup.
 
Luke: *eyes soften* Um...uh...hi...uh so...you're like...you're...ummmm damn words. Curses! I'm...uh....
 
Corinne; WTF! Are you mentally ill? Spit it out! Tell me your freaking name!
 
Luke: My....my...my...you're wearing black lipstick.
 
Corinne:...
 
Luke: I think you're beautiful. Why?
 
Gina: OMG! You're like a total goth chick.  Cool! I googled goth culture for my book. Do you wear spikes? Are you emo? Or wait...do you prefer happiness challenged?
 
Corinne: Go away.
 
Gina: LOL, you're just like my main character Bianca's best friend ,Jessica. She's a goth chic who is like totally crazy and...
 
Corinne: Has she ever killed anyone?
 
Gina: Bianca's best friend, Jessica? LOL! OMG! No, but Bianca's vampire boyfriend--
 
Corinne: Because I'm going to kill you if you don't shut up. And my main character...HAS killed people.
 
Gina: Scary!
 
Luke: *looking horrified and stricken* Let me guess...you write horror?
 
Corinne: *licks her lips*
 
Gina: My book's called Midnight...it's like Twilight but...
 
Corinne: Want to know what my book is called?
 
Luke: *stares*
 
Gina: *nods head vigorously*
 
Corinne: It's called Corinne stabs Gina in the head when she's sleeping.
 
Gina: Hmmm, that's awfully long. Agents won't like that. You might want to rethink your title.
 
To be continued....
 

The Real Writers: Episode 1

Anyone who has been hanging out at my blog for awhile knows that my brain knows no bounds when it comes to your comments. This is what led to the Webcam for Writers Debacle. You guys give me dangeous ideas...

But I can't resist this one. The lovely Carolina brought up yesterday the idea of a reality show with writers and what they'd have to do to make the show actually interesting. Apparently she thought I'd be up for the job. Which, hey, you want to give me a reality series? Sure, I'll do it.

But since no one has actually offered me a tv contract within the last 24 hrs, I decided to invent my own show! :-)

The Real Writers: Episode 1

This is the true story...of 7 writers....picked to live in a house...and write together and have their lives taped...to find out what happens when writers stop procrastinating...and start to write...The Real Writers!

Meet Luke, en route to the house, carrying nothing but a knapsack and a pad of paper.

Luke: Uh hi, uh...my name's uh...Luke and...I'm uh...well I don't really believe in definitions. I mean, how can you possibly define the micro-cosmic way my brain connects to the ethereal on a macro-cosmic level to create...to create...uh...words. Words... words... words. Yeah. So um, pretty excited to be here and stuff and...you know I guess you could say I write literary fiction. Been working on my opus, this one book for the last 15 years. I'll probably never finish. Yeah, so... Excited to meet my roommates. I think...  Would love to discuss Proust when they get here.

And coming around the corner is....GINA!

Gina: AAAAH! OMG! I am SO excited to be here, LOL, OMG I can't believe it! I'm walking down the street and I think I see my roomie! I do! I do see my roomie! Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Rooooo-miiiie! *waves vigorously*

Luke: The sky is a bluer blue, a darkened blue, a blue blue...AH! Words! Curses.

Gina: Rooomie! OMG I see you! I see you!

Gina takes off on a run and nearly trips the camera man over.

Luke: *looks up* Huh? Uh...what......are you...are you my...

Luke's cut off when Gina flies on top of him knocking him to the ground. His note pad flies into the street.

Luke: MY WORDS!

Gina: Oh that little bit of paper? I'll get it Roomie. What's your name.*she helps Luke stand up*

Gina retrieves the note pad.

Luke: I...uh...well...my name is...thing is...

Gina: My name's Gina. I heart books. Can't you remember you're own name?

Luke: Yes. It's just...There's just so many words in my head...

Gina: *looks at the note pad* Why are you writing on that thing anyway? Where's your lap top?

Luke: *glares* You mean a stupid machine!?!?

Gina: Hahahahahaha! OMG! You are sooooooo funny. What are you, a comedic writer or something? Do you blog? Tweet? Facebook? Myspace? Linked? Youtube?

Luke: No. I do not. I can't waste my time on such nonsense. I write Literary Fiction. And my name's Luke.

Gina: Literary Luke! Oh I like it. Alliteration... I dig it.

Luke: *looks defeated and horror stricken, hangs head low* You write young adult paranormal romance, don't you?

Gina: *shakes head vigorously* My book is called, Midnight! Like Twilight, only later. Do you want to live in the same room with me? We can swap manicures. Are you metro?

Luke:....

Gina: Ooooh I think I see another Roomie coming! SQUEEEE!

To be continued...

The Age of Gamma is a Clueless One!

First of all, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you to EVERYONE who participated in the No Kiss Blogfest-everyone who joined, everyone who posted, everyone who commented, everyone who read the posts. You all made Jan 2 totally awesome and fun and...well pretty hot and steamy.

And now well...I'm still not finished my revision (LE SAD) but I am getting there! I spent most of yesterday on break from the internet, having a Write In with the FNC chicas, all of us hanging out and working on our WIPs, sometimes getting goofy and distracted, but mostly being productive. I'm back to feeling a bit obsessed/worried/freaked out about my first chapter EEEEEK!

But...I finally was ready to send out chapters 1-15 to my new official gamma readers Marybeth and Southern Princess. Which makes me happy because I know I'm thismuchcloser to finishing, but it also kind of terrifies me.

You'd think the thought of new people reading my book wouldn't scare me, considering the sorts of deals I make with the Universe AND the fact that I've agreed to Shannon's latest Dare in the Blog War--OMG did you see what that girl is asking me to do?!?!?!?!?!?

She is making me make my Webcam for Writers commercial spoof come to life!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!! Here's the script below for anyone who hasn't seen this post (it was one of my best of 2009)

(Read this in a sexy late-night-commercial voice-you know what I'm talking about!)

Want to get up close and personal with your favorite writers? Want to see them....write?

Here at Frankie's Web Cam for Writers, we open the doors to the mysterious and tantalizing worlds of writers, doing what they do best! Procrastinating. Writing!

For just $39.95 a month you can get 24 hr access inside the office of Frankie Diane Mallis. Be inspired. Be amazed!
 

Want a free preview?

Frankie Diane Mallis: Hi...I'm working on my novel STOLEN. Watch me type! Now I'm on twitter. I twitter about important things in life. Like my favorite quotes from Mean Girls. Ok back to my novel. Oooh look a sentence I don't like. I frown. Oooh look. A sentence I DO like. I smile. Watch my fingers on the key pad. Type, type, type. Now I am getting an idea for a plot point in book 4. Watch me write it on a notecard and stick it to my bulletin board for future reference. Now watch me type a brand new sentence. Very nice. Ok time for twitter!

But there's more! For just $49.95 a month you can have upgraded access to Frankie Diane Mallis' revision archive videos. Live the drama, experience the emotion.

Preview Here:

FDM: OMG, draft I hate you! HATE! HATE! HATE! Wait, no I mean I love you. I love you. Just stop being so difficult. What do you mean there's another adverb there? I thought I deleted them. Well don't tell Ninjadillo. Or Il Primo! Damnit plot why won't you fit in where I outlined you. NO! I outlined you first, you should fit. I. Outlined. You! Ok Frankie--stop all of this going with the flow crap, and...ok talking to yourself=bad sign. Oh no! More critiques have come in. I have to revise again! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Come here useless paragraph. I delete you!

And finally, for our gold customers who pay $59.95 a month, you get everything mentioned above AND... you get the super special upgrade not offered anywhere else. You get to see a Snippet from her Wippet!

;)

That's right, so act now! And if you're one of the first 100 customers to join Frankie's Webcams for Writers, she'll send you a page of her WIP...scented for free. Please indicate which Britney Spears scent you prefer in the order form.

Welcome to the world of writers!

FIN!

I have no words right now...

But yeah, somehow I'm stilll super scared of what the gammas will say!!

And shall we add onto the embarassing things I must do?

Sure! Why not?

Time to Vote on Which Clueless Scene I'm going to recreate since I lost FNC Donna's Dare (totally finish my revision on Jan 1st)

I've gotten all of your suggestions and these are the top 3 scenes you want to see me do!

1) The POGO Scene (Put Out or Get Out)

If you vote for this scene, you'll get to see me play the role of douche-bag Elton, kicking Cher out of the car when she won't kiss him. You'll also see me playing the role of the robber who forces Cher to ruin her dress.

Cher: "Oh no you don't understand, this is an Aliyah"

Robber: "An A-whatta?"

Cher: "It's like a totally important designer."

Robber: "And I will totally shoot you in the head."

I'll also play the role of Cher. You'll get to see me whine a lot:-)

2) Christian's Seduction

Cher and Christian watching Spartacus Spar-at-acus. In this scene, I will roll off the bed.

This scene looks like it will hurt.

 

 

 

3. The Freeway Scene

 

The moment when Dionne accidentally drives onto the freeway, Murray screams, Dionne screams, Cher Screams, and little old ladies drive by and give them the finger. This scene, should you choose it, may or not may not include a small parody of some other famous music video that takes place in a car...

 


So there you go!
 
:-)