College Bloopers

I used to write about grad school bloopers on this blog, like the time I totally pissed off my rhetoric professor on the first day and had him condemn me to failing out of the program in front of the class--I got an A, but we had a rocky start.

Anyway, now it's time for more bloopers, but I'm on the other side of the desk.

So today was my first day teaching my writing class at Arcadia University. And of course! I am SICK! SICKSICKSICK!

Out of nowhere the other day I woke up hacking and gagging, my nose running, post nasal drip, the works! And being unable to breathe out of my nose, my mouth has been open too long for too many hours and my throat is dried out. So when I talk...and I actually sound more coherent than a few "uuumpphhs," and "nuuuuuhhhhhs," and "wjcfjdnkdsjs" my voice sounds SUPER SEXY in that "I've smoked a pack a day since I was 2" kind of way."

Actually, I sound a lot like the woman at the end of this Metallica video!

Don't you wish I'd make a vlog? Don't answer that.

Did I just go up in cool points for blogging about Metallica? Or down?

I'm not sure.

Hopefully this post is still making sense, my head is cloudy...anyway moving on.

So I walk into my class which is supposed to have 17 students enrolled in it. And when I walk in, I discover....there are 25 students!

OMG!

For a split second, I'm kind of like, ooooh wow. People WANT to be in my class so bad they are sneaking in! Awesome.

Then I realize that's crazy because I'm just a lowly adjunct and I'm listed on course enrollment as STAFF--uber glam.

So anyway, I mumble something about how I'm sick and I'm sorry and if I cough up a lung, don't worry it won't happen in the next class. And because I'm only capable of speaking for 30 second intervals before losing my voice, I literally THROW my syllabi at them. Here! Read this!

So the syllabi are going around plus my unit break down and a class info sheet. When suddenly, there is a commotion in one row of chairs.

I shoot the commotion makers a sideways glance--WHAT'S This?!?!? Talking on the first day of my class?

And I discover the problem.

1/5 of my class is NOT my class. Although it took my cloudy brain several moments to parse this out.

It turned out a bunch of 101 students crashed my class. I teach 201!

And they swore up and down that they were in the right room.

So I start to stand up thinking OMG! I'm totally teaching the wrong class. Some 101 teacher is about to come in here and whoop my a$$ for stealing their first day thunder where elsewhere are my real students wondering if they can leave because it's been 5 minutes.

Well, it turned out there was a last minute schedule change and the freshmen--101ers didn't get the memo.

After running across the hall to the English Department with my arms flailing--mildly, because I'm sick and don't move that fast, we sorted everything out.

In the end, I was right. They were wrong.

We expelled the 101ers and reveled in our 201 status and I attempted to go over the syllabus in my sexy voice. This quickly turned into--ooh you're all literate. You can read this yourselves. Talk amongst yourselves. And have a great day!

And thus...Fall semester has started.

*going in search of more cold medicine*