Damn the Man: Save the Empire!

Ok, so since I mentioned Empire Records yesterday in my talk about how awesome The Craft was and how it should be a YA novel, I felt like today, Empire Records deserved the same treatment--because come on...is there anything better than Rex Manning Day?

I think not!

So in honor of the greatest movie ever made about a bunch of kids who shave their heads and steal Whitney Houston CDs and gamble money in Atlantic City and try to lose their virginity to washed up pop stars that work in a record store....

Here's why Empire Records should be a YA novel!

Also...who would have written it? David Levithan? Perhaps...

Anyway here we go!

1) Rex Manning Day! Oh Rexy, you're so sexy! Seriously, people! Why is Rex Manning Day not like an official holiday recognized by the government? Does anyone even know when Rex Manning Day is? Can today be Rex Manning Day? Because I'd totally celebrate it! We could listen to Say No More, Mon Amour all. day. long. And eat cupcakes, and offer each other fresh fruit then try and guess what color underwear the person next to you is wearing. It'd be awesome! Anyway, just think of the possibilites of Rex Manning Day in a YA novel--instead of a few references to this most important holiday spread over an hour and a half of film, we could have over 300 pages of Rex Manning Day!

2) The Ensemble Cast! Roll Call:
Corey (the virginal Harvard bound closet speed freak who will never please daddy).

Gina (the slut who wishes she was a singer who fears she'll never get out of that town).

AJ (the artistic Romeo who glues quarters to the ground "I don't have to explain my art to you Warren").

Lucas (the yesterday you were normal, and today you're like the Chinese guy from the Karate Kid guy).

Warren (the shop lifting amateur who returns to the scene of the crime and steals rap, metal, rap, metal, and Whitney Houston).

Joe! (the manager who like adopted Lucas or something and plays the drums in the back and wins the store and the girl in the end all while hiding the fact that Lucas technically stole $9,000).

Deb (with her neo-natzi boot camp make-over, the boys will come a-running)

You get the idea! Basically, this YA novel would have the BEST cast ever!

3) Mark Sucks. Ok, not really. Mark is actually kind of awesome, and hilarious...Mark sucks is just the pin that Debra makes him. But seriously, how can you not like a guy whose name is Mark with a K and wants to start a band called Marc with a C! I mean seriously. Imagine the dialogue hilarity that would ensue. Like Rex Manning Day, I think we could all use a little more Mark in our lives.

4) Damn the Man, Save the Empire. I think pretty much everyone in the publishing and book industry can relate to this--Indies are desperately trying to stay afloat, and this is a story about teenagers standing up and saying no to the big corporations and WINNING! That alone makes this a YA novel of awesome!

5) What's with Today today? Don't we want to know, Lucas. Maybe the novel can answer that.

6) Corey and AJ! He loves her and has to tell her he loves her at 1:37 on the dot ("Thats an excellent time") and how... ("You say 'I love you'.") But she is planning to lose her virginity to Rex Manning and then realizes that EWWWW she was about to lose her virginity to Rex Manning and breaks AJ's heart at 1:37 on the dot only to realize at 1:38 on the dot that she loves AJ to but she didn't know it at first because it was more than love and not just some stupid feeling in her stomach like everything else...Le sigh. I heart this couple!

7) You get to dance around a record store and play whatever music you like! AND get paid. Dream job, anyone? Dream job? Happy Rex Manning Day!

8) Robberies, Gambling, Sex in the break Room and Guns Oh My! Seriously, there is more than enough drama and action in this movie to make everyone want to read it...I say...instant best seller!

9) Berko and Debra Yeah they have their problems, like her feeling horrible all the time and shaving her head after trying to kill herself, but...there was something so sweet about their connection and Berko is pretty much the most underrated character in the movie, but the expression on his face when he finds out Deb shaved her head and had a bandage on her wrist...this boy deserves some serious page time!

10) Dancing on the Roof! So not only do they get to have this big awesome party at the end to raise money to keep their Indie store alive and keep the big corporations away, at least from their store, but Gina gets to sing in a band, Berko gets more face time, Corey and AJ get together, Lucas remains Lucas, Mark remains Mark, and Joe buys the store all while getting to rock out and have the news cover it, but then they have a dance party on the roof.

I ask you...why do more novels not end with a roof top dance?

Yeah. Empire Records...is awesome!

Happy Rex Manning Day!