The Courage to Write

This isn't so much a post about the courage one needs to sit down and write, or the confidence you need to write, or even sharing your writing with other people--all of which do take a certain level of bravery. It's something else.

Heather of See Heather Write's recent post on Evan Lysacek and all he has sacrificed to achieve his dream in the Olympics, working out 7 hours a day, skipping birthdays, parties, social events, downtime, etc....got me thinking.

Heather wrote a beautiful post on how Evan just lights up when he talks about how hard he works and how happy it makes him--relating that to how many people wonder how to gain enough time to write when they already have so many things to do. I've talked about this before and despite how silly and goofy I usually am on the blog (and in real life too) this concept is one of my core beliefs and a truth I hold to about writing. If you love it, you will do it, no matter what. Nothing is too hard or too much or takes too long (even if it feels that way) when you truly love what you're doing. It's all worth it for the absolute love of the dream, or the craft, or goal or whatever it is that gives you a feeling like you'll crawl out of your skin if you don't do it.

However, this got me thinking about the courage that goes into expressing that kind of love and passion, when it comes to life choices and the things you give up at times to achieve your dreams.

I have been accused many times of going into something my friends dubbed "Frankie Land." When I'm in "Frankie Land" it's not easy to be my friend...so I've heard. I'm so caught up in my own inner world of creativity and dreams, listening to characters in my head speak instead of my friends talking, spending 10 hours a day writing and not calling anyone, deciding to skip a party so I can edit another chapter, basically getting so caught up in my writing (and at times dancing) that the rest of the world and everything going on in it dissolves around me.

And when my friends think I've been in "Frankie Land" too long, I get in trouble. I've had plenty of people get mad at me for this...many times. And sometimes I get mad at myself. I'm a totally normal mid twenties girl, very social and friendly and I like to party just as much as the next person, but I don't. Not often. Do I like the fact that my friends feel hurt or left out, or that I can tune people out so well when I'm daydreaming or writing that I don't hear a single word they've said?

No...not really. It makes me feel horrible.

Do I wish I could just go and party all weekend long and not think twice about my book?

Yeah. All the time.

I don't think there's any right or wrong answer here. It's a shame that some of my friends sometimes feel that way, on the other hand, many of them are very understanding of what I do and why I do it--some more than others. And sure I take a break here and there and live it up (I'm not completely unbalanced). But it's tough, its tough on them and its tough on me and its very hard for many people to understand.

I've made some tough choices over the years to pursue my dream of writing. I declined my spot in grad school at Columbia because I wanted to focus on writing instead of academics. I've declined working 9-5 jobs that pay really well and would allow me to easily live the kind of lifestyle I enjoy because I know I need to focus every ounce of energy I can spare on my writing. And yeah, I've skipped parties (or um....shown up 2 hours late) and  skipped dates and put aside my dancing career and a whole slew of other things, faced the wrath of my friends and others who don't understand what I'm doing --all so I can write.

And so while it does take courage to even go after your dream....so many people never even start...it takes an even greater amount of courage to make sacrifices for the dream. To give everything up, to leap without wings for just the smallest bit of hope that you'll see the goal manifest. To know you'll be apologizing and missing out on certain things in your life.

It was so comforting to see the interview Heather posted, because sometimes looking at all you've missed out on or left behind can be tough. I loved seeing another person who approached their goals the same way I do and felt the same way I felt. There's a reason I've made the choices I've made and a reason why I do what I do. It's pure passionate love for the craft, a desire to tell my story, a feeling like I'll self combust if I can't make this dream a reality. It feels great to do what I do. Its amazing. It makes me so happy. But it's not without its sacrifices and sometimes it is very hard and it does take a lot of courage and often, that's easy to forget.

So yeah...that was kind of what I was thinking about today.