Last time on The Real Writers, we met roommate number 6, the radical tv writer Johanna who thinks reality shows are evil. Flash Fiction writer Sam BAM came onto romance writer Kayla, but she rejected him in favor of Literary Luke, until horror writer Corinne pulled him into the kitchen with her for a drink and then there was a crash. Also no one has come onto YA Paranormal Romance Writer Gina.
This is the true story...of 7 writers....picked to live in a house...and write together and have their lives taped...to find out what happens when writers stop procrastinating...and start to write...The Real Writers!
Startled, Corinne bumped into Luke, and he dropped his beer on the ground. Roommate number 7, holding a tray of cupcakes came in.
Mindy: Oh hello. My name's Mindy. Would you like a cupcake? They're chocolate and vanilla and very fun to bake.
Corinne: You just rhymed.
Mindy: Rhyming words together is the way I have some fun. Rhyming words together is more fun than chewing gum.
Corinne: You--you just did it again. Are you doing that on purpose?
Mindy: Rhyming is what makes my day, I like to rhyme while others play.
Corinne: Ok, stop! You're freaking me the hell out! Talk normal! What are you a picture book writer?
Mindy: Picture books? Write them? I used to. But the word count made me blue. So now I write middle grade novels in verse, go on twitter and make deals with the universe.
Luke: *looks at Corinne* Is...is...she..uh...is she...
Corinne: Human? No I don't think so.
Corinne: GINA! Get your ass in here.
Gina runs and tackles Mindy to the ground.
Gina: OMG!! Hi ROOM-MIE!!! Wow cupcakes! Did you bake these? Can I eat one? What's your favorite color? Do you like twitter?
Corinne grabs Luke's hand and they escape to the living room. Everyone is sitting around on their laptop typing.
The next 10 hours of filming have been cut because they are actually boring.
Then at 10PM, the roommates all decide to have a drink. Except for Mindy, who is allergic to alcohol (no really) and Gina, who refuses to partake in activities that her Midnight MC, Bianca is too young for.
Johanna: Drink your drinks, losers and then let's get back to work. The more boring this show is, the better! You know why? Because THAT'S what happens when you have a show that's not written. It's boring and the producers are forced to replay the same scene three times, once before the episode in a trailer, once before the commercial break, because it's a cliffhanger moment and once more after the commercial break, because without writers, the shows are SO freaking boring that they have to show the only interesting 5 five second three times. That's not how you fill a half hour time slot, people! You fill it with a script!! HEAR THAT HOLLYWOOD! *gestures rudely*
Gina: Ooooh look, I just set up our group blog! Do you guys like the pink background? Or the black? I think because there are two boys here and Corinne and I write such dark, scary intense things, we should use black. Right BFF forever and ever and ever. Oh and Mindy, is that ok with you?
Mindy: Right now I'm as quiet as mice, I replied on twitter that I think its quite nice.
Gina: SQUEEE!!! I just saw your tweet. *types furiously for five minutes* OMG! I just finished this really intense chapter in Midnight where Bianca's boyfriend accidentally lost control of his vampire appetite and tried to eat Bianca's best friend Jessica and then he realizes what he's about to do at the last possible second and his eyes meet Bianca's and her eyes meet him and it's just soooo swoonworthy. Want to read it? Now?
Kayla: Oh honey, eyes meeting...*eyes Luke* I love scenes like that. Scenes where we feel the TENS-EE-On of all the unspoken feelings of passion and desire...
Corinne downs a shot of vodka.
Sam: BAM! I just finished 3 pieces in the last 30 minutes. BAM! Pass the vodka horror babe.
Corinne downs another shot. Everyone goes back to writing.
Luke: So umm...I...well, I made it through the first day...and it well...it was nice...and I....met the roommates. They...write...different kinds of things...like middle grade....and...horror and ...well....Johanna writes...for...for...tv. I got some work done too....I wrote 5 words...that was good.
Corinne: LUKE! Are you coming out? I've got a confessional to make.
Luke: Oh...um...I'm not...
Corinne: Screw it! I'm coming in there with you.
Corinne sits on Luke's lap.
Luke: Oh...ummm hiiiii.
Corinne: Ok confessional, I have a confession for you! Someone here is a big FAT liar! A total fake writer wannabe who is totally fake and phony and full of it. I thought this show was for real writers and instead...you know what I find in the printer today?
Corinne waves a piece of paper at the camera.
Luke: What....what...what's that?
Corinne: Someone here is LYING! You know what I found?
Corinne: Twilight fan fiction!
Luke: A what.?
Corinne: You heard me! And I wont' rest, I won't sleep until I know who's behind it and send their sorry excuse for a writer out of this house. And you know who I bet is behind it? Gina!
To be continued...