Last time on The Real Writers, we met roommate number 6, the radical tv writer Johanna who thinks reality shows are evil. Flash Fiction writer Sam BAM came onto romance writer Kayla, but she rejected him in favor of Literary Luke, until horror writer Corinne pulled him into the kitchen with her for a drink and then there was a crash. Also no one has come onto YA Paranormal Romance Writer Gina.
This is the true story...of 7 writers....picked to live in a house...and write together and have their lives taped...to find out what happens when writers stop procrastinating...and start to write...The Real Writers!
Startled, Corinne bumped into Luke, and he dropped his beer on the ground. Roommate number 7, holding a tray of cupcakes came in.
Mindy: Oh hello. My name's Mindy. Would you like a cupcake? They're chocolate and vanilla and very fun to bake.
Corinne: You just rhymed.
Mindy: Rhyming words together is the way I have some fun. Rhyming words together is more fun than chewing gum.
Corinne: You--you just did it again. Are you doing that on purpose?
Mindy: Rhyming is what makes my day, I like to rhyme while others play.
Corinne: Ok, stop! You're freaking me the hell out! Talk normal! What are you a picture book writer?
Mindy: Picture books? Write them? I used to. But the word count made me blue. So now I write middle grade novels in verse, go on twitter and make deals with the universe.
Luke: *looks at Corinne* Is...is...she..uh...is she...
Corinne: Human? No I don't think so.
Mindy: Cupcake?
Corinne: GINA! Get your ass in here.
Gina runs and tackles Mindy to the ground.
Gina: OMG!! Hi ROOM-MIE!!! Wow cupcakes! Did you bake these? Can I eat one? What's your favorite color? Do you like twitter?
Corinne grabs Luke's hand and they escape to the living room. Everyone is sitting around on their laptop typing.
The next 10 hours of filming have been cut because they are actually boring.
Then at 10PM, the roommates all decide to have a drink. Except for Mindy, who is allergic to alcohol (no really) and Gina, who refuses to partake in activities that her Midnight MC, Bianca is too young for.
Johanna: Drink your drinks, losers and then let's get back to work. The more boring this show is, the better! You know why? Because THAT'S what happens when you have a show that's not written. It's boring and the producers are forced to replay the same scene three times, once before the episode in a trailer, once before the commercial break, because it's a cliffhanger moment and once more after the commercial break, because without writers, the shows are SO freaking boring that they have to show the only interesting 5 five second three times. That's not how you fill a half hour time slot, people! You fill it with a script!! HEAR THAT HOLLYWOOD! *gestures rudely*
Gina: Ooooh look, I just set up our group blog! Do you guys like the pink background? Or the black? I think because there are two boys here and Corinne and I write such dark, scary intense things, we should use black. Right BFF forever and ever and ever. Oh and Mindy, is that ok with you?
Mindy: Right now I'm as quiet as mice, I replied on twitter that I think its quite nice.
Gina: SQUEEE!!! I just saw your tweet. *types furiously for five minutes* OMG! I just finished this really intense chapter in Midnight where Bianca's boyfriend accidentally lost control of his vampire appetite and tried to eat Bianca's best friend Jessica and then he realizes what he's about to do at the last possible second and his eyes meet Bianca's and her eyes meet him and it's just soooo swoonworthy. Want to read it? Now?
Kayla: Oh honey, eyes meeting...*eyes Luke* I love scenes like that. Scenes where we feel the TENS-EE-On of all the unspoken feelings of passion and desire...
Corinne downs a shot of vodka.
Sam: BAM! I just finished 3 pieces in the last 30 minutes. BAM! Pass the vodka horror babe.
Corinne downs another shot. Everyone goes back to writing.
Confessional 1:
Luke: So umm...I...well, I made it through the first day...and it well...it was nice...and I....met the roommates. They...write...different kinds of things...like middle grade....and...horror and ...well....Johanna writes...for...for...tv. I got some work done too....I wrote 5 words...that was good.
Corinne: LUKE! Are you coming out? I've got a confessional to make.
Luke: Oh...um...I'm not...
Corinne: Screw it! I'm coming in there with you.
Corinne sits on Luke's lap.
Luke: Oh...ummm hiiiii.
Corinne: Ok confessional, I have a confession for you! Someone here is a big FAT liar! A total fake writer wannabe who is totally fake and phony and full of it. I thought this show was for real writers and instead...you know what I find in the printer today?
Corinne waves a piece of paper at the camera.
Luke: What....what...what's that?
Corinne: Someone here is LYING! You know what I found?
....
...
...
Luke: What?
Corinne: Twilight fan fiction!
Luke: A what.?
Corinne: You heard me! And I wont' rest, I won't sleep until I know who's behind it and send their sorry excuse for a writer out of this house. And you know who I bet is behind it? Gina!
To be continued...
Mmm... cupcakes. I could really go for one of those right now.
ReplyDeleteOkay, this might sound crazy, but I think if you were to make these videos, you should cast people in the roles, then edit them all together.
Then they would go viral and take over the universe.
Oooo this is a good one... Middle Grade writer huh? LOL Mindy rhymes... that must be hard to come up with her dialogue!
ReplyDeleteI'm still a Johanna and Corinne fan! Keep it up... I bet it's not Gina!
I do not rhyme so I can see
ReplyDeleteThis Mindy girl cannot be me
And that is good cause otherwise
your next challenge would comprise
Of Frankie Shame beyond compare
(and I think you know what I would dare)
So if you're smart and want to stay
Red Wellie free for another day
You'll keep things just the way they are
And not make me a Real Writer's star
Wow--that is REALLY bad. See why I don't write poetry?
Bam!
(Awesome episode though. I was wondering when the confessionals would come into play)
That Twilight fan fic is definitely Luke's. No question. Maybe Corinne, but my money's on Luke.
ReplyDeleteOHMIGOD I'm making guesses about a FICTIONAL TV show. I have no life.
Oh, no she di-int. Did Shannon just rhyme in your comment section. That's, like, an invitation to pen some godawful poetry. If I wasn't working on a ridiculous sleep deficit, I'd write a comment on rhyme, but the scintillating sparkles of my poetic brain are crapped out right now, so I won't. I might be able to crank out, uh... like, uh... five words or so. Y'know, kinda bam-like. Or something.
ReplyDeleteFive word review:
Effin funny. Can't wait formore.
:)
Frankie... NEVER. STOP. THIS. SERIES. It's too much, I love it....
ReplyDeleteMariah, ooooh that's a neat idea...though I am thinking it'd be fun for a casting special like they do on the real world, so all bloggers who want to could vlog an audition tape...we'll see, I dont really know yet what to do.
ReplyDeleteErica, ooh good Im glad. Actually her dialogue is pretty easy bc its sooooo bad.
Shannon, you do not rhyme, thats plain to see, but you still tried to do it bc you love me. :-)
Heather, hahaha you should start a pool and take bets.
Simon,5 words, LOL!
Sara,hahaha thanks. Although I think once we discover who wrote the fan fiction, that'll be it.
Nooooooo!!!!! *faints* You mustn't stop the hilarity!!!!
ReplyDeleteO.O
I think this is one of my favorite regular posts that you do, Frankie. They just crack me up until there are tears on my cheeks!
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of cupcakes, I have a little something for you at my blog today. :-)
Okay, totally want to smack the rhyming chick (so that's good, all reality shows need to have an annoying person that you want to smack) and I'm fairly sure that the fan fic belongs to Luke or maybe..BAM? Maybe...that would be good. Hmmmm....
ReplyDeleteOkay, is it sad that I can get this hooked on a "fake" reality show that's not even a show. I think I have a problem...
Oh my goodness! Twilight fan fiction ... The drama never stops! :)
ReplyDeleteEveryone thank you for the comments:-)
ReplyDeleteDude, how did I miss this series???? When did you start this. Why, I do believe I was the first to see your reality tv star potential. And where are you in this, darling??
ReplyDeleteOMG, too funny. Oh, how look forward to your posts. Please please do cast these roles. Would love to see this baby in action. I'm fairly certain you'd make a mint.
And this is a primary example of why I have something for you on my blog :)
ReplyDeleteOMG! I cannot believe I missed this post! lollololololololololol...I could not breath during Mindy's Rhyming annoyance...then the tackle..ahhh...perfect! This is by far the funniest thing I have read on a blog!
ReplyDeleteYou are just awesome..keep it up..I am waiting for the hair pulling and eye gouging of Corinne....
Awesome post that leaves me wanting more...
ReplyDeleteI also want a cupcake for sure
I think I could take Mindy in a rhme-a-thon
I'm not a pro or anything, I just do it for fun
Cupcakes, cupcakes.
Cupcakes...cupcakes.
I want some cupcakes.
*rhyme-a-thon...that's what I meant.
ReplyDeleteShould've spellchecked before I sent.