Blog Wars! Shannon's Dare

Well Shannon has officially declared a blog war with me and dared me to post my absolutely horrid horrid horrid story "Untitled" that I wrote in the 4th grade and that is just...the most dreadful thing I've written and it was 21 pages long. So...under possibe torture and stress and a chance to procrastinate editing...I posted the abbreviated version below. And yeah I know I was supposed to post the whole thing, but trust me on this I am doing you a favor!

This story...just to warn you (epic in its badness) involves three races of little people, talking birds, killer thunderstorms, and genocidal snakes. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Ok here I go (Shannon I hate you a little right now)

"Mama?" I asked.

"Yes dear." she replied.

"Could you please pass me the learcot and salmide, please?" (what is learcot and salmide you ask? Well-I have no freaking clue! I made it up, so just go with it).

"Sure. Here you go, Mylin." (OMG her name is Mylin!)

"Thank you...this is good. Better than last year's!" (Wow are you hooked yet? Because I'm not! Do I really have to do this...ok fine...)

It was Bargainly Night, my favorite holiday (Oh I invented a holiday to go with my invented food). We have a great big feast of learcot, bylanly, salmide, careyd juice and grasshopper. Yum! (EW!) We listen to music and dance. My favorite part is the costume. Girls put their long hair up on their heads in a twist. In all the twists is a daffodil petal with pink coloring on it. We don't wear any shoes, but we wear wooly socks. They feel like stepping into a river. (AAAH OMG! Bc that is EXACTLY what I want to feel when stepping into a sock). We also get to wear gowns. Color stems are crinkled to make ruffles and the dress is made of fall leaves. Every year its happier, so we collect different leaves every year in early fall.

I'm sorry (so am I), I love Bargainly Night so much I got my tongue tied into knots (the dangers of begining in media res...). My name is Mylin Jakal (omg). I'm a Kelkin. Kelkins are little people as big as a human's thumb. We live underground. About 15 feet underground. It protects us from humans and animals or bad weather (yeah bad weather is the worst!). I live with my Mama, Papa, Grandpa, Grandma, my brothers, Celen, Chelin, Patl, Selin, Tinly, Horo, and Leaton (OMG I am dying right now--dying! Shannon I told you I'd beat Tarzano). My sisters, Copy, Sherry, Raspucan (poor girl), Malender, Pooky (aahahahaha!), Sely, Marin, Sandyall and Fily. And me, Mylin (wow her name looks normal now).

I'm the youngest in the whole family. I'm 100 years old (lol). Kelkins never die. They live forever. Unless there is danger or a human. My grandpa is, the oldest in the generation is centillion. We have pointy ears and raspberry eyes. Thin noses and golden long hair. Girls have hair to their waists and boys to their shoulders. We have rosy lips, beauty marks (ok...) and rosy cheeks.And on our foreheads is a different colored dot to indicate what year we were born. As we get older it changes. The only other people allowed to know about us are the Ferren and Dangalins. They're little people who live faraway. We only see them once a year when we all travel miles and miles for the reunion. We celebrate that we're still alive and happy (aww Kelkins seem sweet).

We live off beetles (ah I take it back, ewwww!), ants, propo, which is a mixture of salt, water, grass choppings and beetles (ew, ew ew!!). We eat on all bugs (Ok Mylin we get it!), grass and everything up there from mother nature. We never wear shoes unless we're outside. We only get to wear wooly socks on Bargainly Night. On other nights we wear thin leaves. Now you should know a bit about Kelkins and me (oh yeah we get the picture, bug-eater).

Oh ya, I almost forgot. We have elevators that take us up and back home.

Now back to now, I was dancing wiyth Celin. I had a big stomache later (too many grasshopper legs?), so I went to bed. It was so excited. Tomorrow would be my 101th birthday. I could for the first time, go on the elevator to the outside (oooh I think this is where the plot shows up).

"Good morning!!(yeah two exclamation points) Good morning!" I screamed. "Wake up! Wake up! Today is the day. Today is the day I'm 101 years old. I get to explore the outside! I'll make history. Grandpa, wake up! You must write today down in the Jakal history of Kelkins book." (Mylin let the man rest, he's centillion years old!)

(The next scene has been cut for time, but basically Grandpa wakes up, and records her birthday in the book with a pen called a chie after Mylin spills the ink several times. And then she goes up to the outside for her 101th birthday.)

 For the first time I stepped on outside dirt and saw the sun. I saw flowers and giants, they weren't humans. It was twice as big as me. It had skinny legs and could fly. I went over to touch it. It was so soft like a flower petal. I could hear it chirping. He seemed friendly (umm yeah he just let you feel him up). When I looked into his eyes, I knew we'd be good friends.

I sat down to have dinner and shared some of it with my new friend (awww). He looked at me and he talked (he is the talking bird!).

"Hi. I'm Derrick (McDreamy?) I'm a sparrow bird. What are you?"

"Hi. I'm a Kelkin. My name is Mylin. I don't mean to be rude. But what kind of a name is Derrick? Why don't you have a like Shabt, or Chelen, Casthe, or Forare (seriously?)" I asked.

"Gee, Mylin I was gonna ask you the same thing. But the names you said I sure thought were wierd (Derrick, you're not alone!). Why don't you have a name like Robert, Tifannie, Fred, Frankie (BAHAHAHAHA!)?" he asked. (Because 10 yrs olds should never be allowed to write fantasy stories!)

After awhile we knew we came from two different worlds (umm I could have told you that 200 words ago!). He figured this was my first time around so he offered me a tour. I packed my stuff in his pouch (????)  and climbed on his head.

(So we have the classic scene where a characters rides fast on an animal and then Mylin learns all about clouds and cuddles with Derrick on top of one. It gets dark and Mylin has a sh*t fit because in all of her 101 years no one ever explained nighttime to her, so Derrick does and it's all good and they fall asleep. Then a thunderstorm wakes her up--Mylin also doesn't know about t-storms. This scares her and Derrick flies them back to the ground to save them. But the wind is so strong they fall and Derrick dies!)

I sat down and sobbed till dawn. When I was all done I ate breakfast and took a walk (Derrick's death clearly hit her hard). After walking around a tree I realized I was lost. (Hahahaha because she's so small!).

(The next scene has been cut for overly melodramatic purposes. Mylin cries and woes the day she was born, she is lost outside and Derrick is dead and she can't find her way home. Then she runs into Derrick's cousin, Joe. He tells her the horrible thing that happened to her family while she was outside-all of the Kelkins, Dangalins and Ferrens went to the reunion. But when they got there, they found a killer snake had crashed the party and it ate EVERYONE except Mylin's mom! Mylin's mom escaped to find Joe and tell him to find Mylin and explain everything and to tell Mylin she loves her and then...the snake eats her too! And now, she is the last little person in the world.)

That really did it! I was furious (ah the stages of grief), yet upset and very confused. I sat down on a pebble and I just sat. And sat and sat and sat without moving, blinking or eating, just sitting for three days (apparently Kelkin grief makes you a statue).

(Anyway, Mylin finds her way back home, sits there for another 6 days grieving and then the ghost of her grandfather shows up)

"Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyylin. Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyllllliiiiiiiiiiiiin. Coooooooooommmmmeeee ooooouuuut! IIIIIIIIIII neeeeeeed toooooo taaaaalllllkkkk to yooooooouuu!"

(The ghost of Mylin's grandfather basically is like hey Mylin you're totally screwed, so you have to go and find a human and be friends with them or your going to be all alone. So she goes back to the outside and climbs into a human's house and meets this guy named Mark. And then....in the most epic horrible ending in the history of the world....)

I woke up. My mom was calling me to get up for school. And I realized it was all a dream. There were no such things as Kelkins. And my family wasn't dead.

"Come on, Mark!" my mom called. "Breakfast is ready."

What a wierd dream I had!"

The End!

Yes, Mylin was really a human boy named Mark.
AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok worst story EVER!! So you know what this means, Shannon, it's time for my revenge!

Stay tuned, I'll be doing my second vlog. This blog war is on!!!